Something in common

My reading tastes run to fiction books, Shape magazine and the local newspapers. I will occasionally buy a People or Prevention if the cover articles are interesting and I'm feeling particularly splurgy in the supermarket checkout lane. Never do I buy the yelllowly journalistic National Enquirer or any other rags that tend to feature alien babies and flying saucers that stop by for lunch. But the headlines are fun to read, especially if the line at Wegmans is moving really slow.

However, I was stopped in my tracks the other day by this headline. Obviously even NE has slow news days weeks.

With all the crises and unanswered questions in the world: earthquakes in Haiti and Chile, will Tiger return to golf? health care legislation, terrorism and sleeper cells, Conan O'Brien/Jay Leno and who knows what else, the biggest shocker that National Enquirer could come up with was Lisa Marie Presley's weight hits 165 lbs! She's only 5-foot-3! Her weight is OUT OF CONTROL!!! (emphasis mine)

Immediate thoughts: My gosh - she's almost the size of an elephant! She should be hiding inside a dress custom made by Fox Tent and Awning! Maybe Armageddon is really and truly coming this time! Lordy Lordy, she's taking after her daddy Elvis!

And they note she was only 109 lbs in 2000 - so she gained 54 pounds in a decade. Big whup. Besides the pressing question of who the heck cares? I found a particular soft spot of sympathy and empathy for Lisa Marie. Finally, we have something in common: I'm 5-foot-3 and, coincidence of all coincidences, I also weight 165 at the moment. I've been waiting for this day so that Lisa Marie and I can bond. Maybe over a hot fudge sundae or three.

Heart attack risk. Seriously? OK, 165 is definitely overweight and her BMI is not within the proper range but it's hardly morbidly obese. Binge eating turns deadly. Really? Gaining five pounds a year is hardly binge eating. It's a couple dozen peanut-butter-n-banana sammiches over 365 days, people.

Anyway, I need to track down Lisa's email or find her on Facebook or Twitter or somewhere so we can commiserate together. Maybe we can join up on SparkPeople and inspire each other to reduce.

In the meantime, I'm hoping for another world crisis to take the nation's attention off the publicizing of Lisa Marie's devastating secret.