Friday, January 16, 2009

Right here, right now

First, a clarification. Johnnie read my previous post and asked nicely for more description around the statement: "Johnnie thinks they're funny, especially the middle one where my head is turned 90 degrees on my/her shoulders."

The pictures make him laugh but he's not laughing at me, just at the preposterousness of the pictures themselves. And a good many things that I say or do make him laugh because they're unexpected and (according to him) they tickle him. He fully supports any and all efforts to get slim and he never ever says anything derogatory about me. Quite to the contrary. When he looks at me, I seriously feel like the most beautiful and svelte person in the world ~ even in the morning with bedhead and yucky breath. And I get soundly scolded if I get down on myself and say nasty things about myself out loud. 'Course, he can't hear what I say inside my head. So please know that he doesn't think the pictures are anything but the incentive and motivational tools I want them to be.

Our (my) daughter Holly turned 40 the other day. Erin was 32 in September. It got me to thinking about what a different place I was in at their ages.

ME: When I was 32, I had been married at 21, had a child at 26 and divorced at 29
. I had moved from Michigan to Minnesota and was married for the second time.

ERIN: Erin was 25 when she married Mike and had her first baby at 29 and her second at 31. They have lived within a 30 mile radius since they got married. There is no hint of divorce in their marriage and (God willing) will probably never be.

ME: When I was 40, I was on the way to being divorced for the second time, had adopted Holly seven years before and was considering a move from Minnesota to western New York State to accept a new job.

HOLLY: Holly was 33 when she married her husband Mike. They have no children and probably never will. They have been parents to Kirby the dog, Delbert and Chloe the cats. Holly has lived in numerous places - meeting Mike in Kansas City, Missouri and then moving to San Francisco together.

I'm so thankful that both girls have made good life choices to this point and have done things in a reasonably traditional manner. I take from that some solace that my life choices in my 20s and 30s didn't completely scar them for life.

I also know that if I hadn't taken the life journey that I did, we wouldn't all be where we are today and with the wonderful people we have each married. There's an interesting movie, Sliding Doors (1998) with Gwyneth Paltrow.
Plot described on A London woman's love life and career both hinge, unknown to her, on whether or not she catches a train. We see it both ways, in parallel.

If she makes the train, her life ends up one way. If she doesn't, her life has a totally different series of events.

So my choices have obviously affected not only me but John, the girls and their respective Mikes. Despite the sometimes bumpy road and disillusionment that I've felt when discovering that my previous choices were not the healthiest for me, it's still been a good ride so far. I'm just glad the girls are happy and safe and whole. I can't imagine what their lives will be like at 58, where I am today.

1 comment:

Erin said...

The scars will heal. After a few more years of therapy.

I'll send you the bill, mkay? :)

PS: I had Emily when I was 28 and 11 months and Lucy when I was 30 and 10 months. :)